Looking back through my life, I can see where my practice of emotional intelligence first started. It was during one of the toughest periods of my childhood—my parents’ contentious divorce. As a kid caught in their messy split, I found myself playing the role of emotional translator. I wanted them both to know I loved them and was there for them, so I became hyper-aware of their feelings, studied their reactions and tried to help however I could. Ironically, while I got pretty good at reading others’ emotions, I learned to shut down my own as a form of self-protection.
Fast forward to my leadership career, and that emotional guardedness started holding me back. I realized that to truly connect with my team, I needed to do the one thing that scared me most: be vulnerable. I’ve found storytelling to be the secret weapon in demonstrating both emotional intelligence and vulnerability. It helps my team understand not just what we’re doing—but why we’re doing it. More importantly, it lets them see me as a real person, complete with all my flaws and challenges.
Opening up as a leader
The more I open up, the more my team does too. I see these incredible leaders emerging who aren’t afraid to voice their uncertainties and face them head-on. They support each other fiercely and are all-in for the team. When it comes to coaching emotional intelligence, I sound like a broken record: “Start with curiosity.” Before reacting or making any judgments, ask questions—lots of them. Try to see situations from all perspectives.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just some nice-to-have soft skill. The ability to understand and connect with others emotionally is absolutely crucial to success as a leader. I’ve seen it firsthand. When people feel safe enough to be honest about their struggles and ambitious enough to push through them—that’s when the real magic happens.
Of course, technical skills matter. But if you want to lead a team effectively, your emotional intelligence will make or break your success. It’s about creating an environment where vulnerability is seen as strength, where personal stories become powerful teaching tools and where facing our fears together becomes the pathway to something extraordinary. That’s the kind of leadership that builds teams that are not only successful, but unforgettable.
This article originally appeared in the January 2025 issue of SUCCESS+ digital magazine.
Image courtesy of Amy Somerville
