After nine years of divisive election rhetoric, many families are hanging by a thread as we head into the 2024 holiday season. Regardless of which side of the political aisle you are on, we can all agree that over the last decade, politics have taken a new direction. Who you vote for has become synonymous with what you value—and even with who you are as a person. When those closest to you have different perspectives on candidates and policies, it can be jarring to realize that their values no longer align with yours.
In 2016, I found myself with political views that opposed my family’s for the first time in my life. I felt conflicted and confused—how could people I had spent so much time with and thought I knew so well have values that were so different from my own? As a result, the thought of spending the holiday season arguing about politics filled me with intense dread and anxiety.
What I discovered was that if you have the right tools, your holiday season doesn’t need to be full of stress, anxiety and arguments. You can instead have a lighthearted Thanksgiving and Christmas that are filled with joy, even if some family members have different beliefs than you.
Here are the three key things I did to navigate the holiday season without arguments and political debates:
1. Form family agreements
Creating a peaceful holiday season begins before the festivities themselves do. Prior to any in-person events, establish an agreement with those attending the dinner or parties to keep the conversation away from politics and politically charged themes. Set this agreement with everyone, no matter where they fall on the political spectrum—including those who voted the same as you.
Confirm with everyone in your family or friend group that the intention for the season is to create a sense of togetherness and connection. Setting up this kind of agreement beforehand will provide everyone with an understanding of the expected social boundaries for holiday events.
I wasn’t great at setting boundaries back in 2016—the idea gave me as much anxiety as political debates did. So I sent a text to my family that said, “I know we all have differing beliefs when it comes to politics, but I would like to set those aside when we are together. Holiday events are not the right time or place to try and change anyone’s mind about politics, so can we agree to leave political conversations out this holiday season?” Setting a boundary this way prevented my family from feeling attacked or judged—and as a result, they agreed to the idea immediately.
If you find yourself with a similar struggle, use the statement above to set your own boundaries this holiday season.
2. Redirect the conversation
If political topics do make their way to the holiday table, there are ways you can redirect the conversation in an unemotional way.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming‘s conversational reframing technique, “The Agreement Frame,” is my personal favorite method. This communication strategy suggests using phrases that can help redirect the conversation. These include:
- “I appreciate, and…”
- “I respect, and…”
- “I agree, and…”
Here are some examples of how you could use these frameworks to redirect political conversations back to safer, less emotional topics at the holiday table:
- “I appreciate your insights on [topic], and I think it’s best that we stick to our agreement of not discussing politics this holiday season. So tell me—what’s your biggest goal for the new year?”
- “I respect everyone here tonight and want to ensure that everyone feels safe and comfortable. Let’s stick to our agreement to leave politics alone this holiday season and talk about [new topic] instead!”
- “I agree that it’s important to hear opposing points of view, and I think now isn’t the best time for this topic of discussion. Can we push pause on this conversation for now and find a time to discuss it at a later date?”
3. Manage your emotions in the moment
The holidays inevitably bring a certain amount of stress. However, there are tools you can use to avoid feeling overwhelmed or anxious and instead be more present and less reactive toward those with differing political opinions.
My favorite strategy is a technique called box breathing. While you can use this technique anywhere, including at the dinner table, I like to excuse myself to the restroom to give myself space to observe my emotions.
With this breathing technique, you breathe in for a count of four, hold the breath in for a count of four, breathe out for four counts and hold the breath out for four counts. Repeat these steps a minimum of four times, or until you feel like the anxiety has begun to diminish.
When our emotions start to rise, we move into the emotional area of our brain and often have less access to the logical part. I recommend practicing this breathing technique in the days and weeks leading up to holiday events so that it becomes a natural part of your emotional management routine.
Finding peace this holiday season
While elections have brought America plenty of division over the last decade, we can instead use the holiday season to remind us that we have more in common that unites us than that which divides us. Using the three strategies above will allow you to create a peaceful, joyful holiday season, regardless of the political beliefs those around you hold.
Photo courtesy of Ground Picture/Shutterstock
