Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
It’s July 2024 in African America, and I am currently doing something I’ve done three times before; I’m potty training a 3-year-old. You know, when people without kids ask about pros and cons of having kids I rarely hear us parent folks mention the absolute travashamockery that is potty training in the con category, but let me tell you, it is a doozy. You’d think that because I have three kids who were all successfully potty trained I’d be prepared with best practices for this last kid. You would be wrong.
Do you ever see those commercials that display the differences between first children and say, the second or third? The first kid gets all of the attention and fuss, largely because of the newness of parenthood and concern about whether or not the child might break if handled improperly. Your first kid teaches you that babies and kids are resilient so by the time the next kid(s) show up, most parents tend to be less cautious and smothering. By the time a fourth kid shows up, you just want all the landmarks to appear on their own out of sheer tiredness; essentially, you want that kid to raise themselves.
Such brings us to my youngest child, who is, again, 3, and rounding the bend towards 4 in October. We’re in the midst of potty training because it is time but also because he can’t go to his new preschool next month without being potty trained. That means we got to get this kid — the baby, who doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to — potty trained ASAP.
Lifestyle
It is proving to be one heck of an undertaking. Every day, we put him in underwear and sit him on the toilet on his little child seat at consistent intervals. OK, I’m lying. It’s not every day, it’s a lot of days, though. This is where that fourth kid thing comes into play. I feel like, “Bro, just go do the potty thing. You’ve seen Daddy do it. You’ve seen your brothers do it. You get it. Just do it, fam. Popsicle?” It feels like so much work this time around. I’m not even excited about his potential accomplishment; I just want it to be over. But the task won’t be complete until we make it happen, by any means necessary.
Kids are so funny; unlike his brothers, this particular child cannot be swayed by bribery. I’ve tried candy and Popsicles, and I’ve even offered him stock options in Disney. I’ve tried taking things and giving him extra things. Anything to get him to actively, own his own, decide to sit on the potty. No such luck. To be fair, if you ask him to sit on the toilet, he will eventually relent. It’s just that he won’t use the thing and then 10 minutes later, he’ll have peed on himself … and won’t tell anybody. If you ask him if he peed on himself, though, he’ll start laughing, yell “NO!” and take off running like a madman through the the house like he just won a game. Maybe that’s what’s happening — maybe he’s playing a game and I don’t realize it.
Egads, man. Potty training blows.
Now, I know we’re going to get there. We always have. And anybody who has ever had to potty train a child knows how frustrating and exhausting it can be. I mean, let’s be real: I’m trying to convince a kid who pretty much does his business when and where he wants no matter what’s happening that he needs to stop his fun to go unfurl a whole routine JUST to do the thing he could have done while playing with bubbles. I’m trying to convince him that this is better for us to self-interested toddler. But the last thing I need is to try to send this kid to school before he’s fully potty trained and then force the school to call and ask why my kid won’t use the potty. Our family is not about to be out here looking crazy. So we fight another day to ensure that my youngest, my last, learns how to use the potty so that when he gets to school, the other kids are envious of his skills.
In the meantime, please send good vibes.
Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio and host of the award-winning podcast, “Dear Culture” on theGrio Black Podcast Network. He writes very Black things, drinks very brown liquors, and is pretty fly for a light guy. His biggest accomplishment to date coincides with his Blackest accomplishment to date in that he received a phone call from Oprah Winfrey after she read one of his pieces (biggest) but he didn’t answer the phone because the caller ID said “Unknown” (Blackest).
