Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
So this brother jumped on TikTok and said, “Alright TikTok, tell me if I’m tripping or not.” My Blackdar immediately sensed that he was, so of course I continued. Perhaps you’ve seen the video; it quickly went viral, but maybe you haven’t because the brother has made his account private. Apparently, he did not like the monsoon of negative responses. You can see a lot of his video and hysterical responses to it here, here and here.
He said that he and his fiancée spent about $200,000 on their wedding, and I immediately shouted at the screen, “Yes, y’all are trippin’! That’s an insane amount to spend on a wedding!” But that was not the thing he was asking us about. He was cool with spending more than most Americans’ yearly salary on his wedding. No, his question was this: He and his fiancée had told their guests that they were charging $450 per person to attend the wedding. Family and friends had to buy tickets to their lovefest. No one said yes. That’s the thing he was wondering about. Is it OK to charge people to attend his wedding?
The answer is yes, he is tripping. My Blackdar was right.
A wedding is the first major thing y’all do as a couple. It’s the launch point for your family. But the choices you make at your wedding communicate who you are as a couple. If you cannot plan a wedding that makes financial sense for you then you are starting your family on the wrong foot. Everyone wants their dream wedding, but more importantly, you must be smart and honest about what you can spend. It’s horrible to start your married life in debt because you just had to flex at your wedding.
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So the first problem is that they spent too much, and now they’re trying to pass the costs along to their guests. That’s not cool.
At most weddings, people give lavish gifts because they know you’re starting your family and they want to help. That’s why registries are generally filled with things for the home. The wedding guests are launching you into married life and helping you build your home. But there’s a vast difference between people giving you a gift that they want to give and people being charged a fee to enter your wedding. I don’t even know how you look your family and close friends in the face and say, “y’all gotta pay me a fee to come to my wedding.”
Weddings are expensive for guests — they need to acquire great fits, they probably need to rent a hotel room, they may need to book flights. Adding $450 — or $900 for a couple — on top of all that makes the wedding out of reach for many people. It’s also, probably, insulting. It makes the whole thing too much of a financial transaction rather than an expression of love.
Later in the video, the brother actually scolded the people who said no to paying the fee, saying they would spend that much on Beyoncé tickets or a Chris Brown meet and greet. It’s problematic to judge people for how they spend their money. It sounds wack to say, “Why’d you spend it on that when you could’ve spent it on me?” But also, if you’re not providing Renaissance World Tour-level entertainment, then don’t ask me why I’d spend that much on Bey but not on you. Brother, you ain’t look like Bey. You can’t sing like Bey, ya don’t dance like Bey, so what are we talking about?
At a wedding, you’re supposed to be surrounded by love. Putting a price tag on attending it somehow cheapens the whole thing. It’s not an event you can buy your way into, and I wouldn’t want my wedding shaped by who could and couldn’t afford the fee. That’s no way to get an audience that’s sending you love.
Toure is a host and writer at TheGrio. He hosts the TheGrio TV show “Masters of the Game,” and he created the award-winning podcast “Being Black: The ’80s” and its upcoming sequel “Being Black: The ’70s.” He is also the creator of “Star Stories” and the author of eight books, including “Nothing Compares 2 U an oral history of Prince.” He also hosts a podcast called “Toure Show.” He is also a husband and a father of two.
