Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.
Do you suffer from economic anxiety? Are you worried about so-called “illegal immigrants” stealing your jobs and murdering your family? Does the thought of unqualified “DEI hires” make your neck red? Perhaps you’re just tired of the divisive rhetoric, identity politics and lying politicians.
For centuries, America’s best and brightest minds have tried to answer the age-old question: “Who should be president?” In their attempt to make America great, voters tried everything, including 44 white men, 12 slave owners, 27 lawyers, 16 farmers, one Black man and even an Orange scam artist. While producing temporary periods of greatness, none of the clinical trials provided effective, long-lasting results. After 248 years of trial and error, researchers in a secret laboratory located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue finally decided to experiment with a popular antidote that has saved America from its recurring illness time and time again.
Black women.
From the team that brought you affordable health care, student loan forgiveness, the lowest unemployment rate since the end of Jim Crow segregation, and the innovators who made America into a democracy comes a revolutionary breakthrough in electoral politics!
If you believe that mediocre DEI candidates are taking all the good jobs and opportunities, this is the cure you’ve been searching for. If you’re looking for a “law and order” president, you found it. If you or someone you know plans to vote for someone who wants to make America great again, then boy, do I have the candidate for you!
Introducing Kamala Harris.
How “MAGA” became synonymous with “white power.”
Since the day America was born, white people have suffered from a subconscious, nostalgic longing for the good old days that only exist in the wypipo cinematic universe. The Founders used Ancient Greek and Roman democracies as a template for the American experiment. The “Lost Cause” romanticized the South’s antebellum white supremacist rule. Massive resistance was an effort to return to the wonderful world of Jim Crow. They didn’t want to live in a better country. They dreamt of greatness. In 2016, renowned reality show host and acclaimed flimflammer Donald Trump bamboozled millions of his mentally ill acolytes into believing that he could teleport them to this utopian delusion of a racism-free, pre-Obama national safe space before “illegal immigrants,” DEI, CRT and BLM turned America into a detestable cesspool that threatened this beloved land of opportunity. This is the white power base Trump coalesced when he said: “I alone can fix it.”
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Also known as “American Exceptionalism,” Whitewashed History-Induced Triggered Emotional and Psychological Outrage Worsened by Equality Resistance (WHITEPOWER) is a contagious virus that causes hallucinations, cognitive decline and extreme Caucasian nostalgia. While the vast majority of every other racial and ethnic demographic appears to be immune, the disease affects 55% of white voters, according to their survey of something called an “election.”
And because his supporters were infected with this contagious cognitive disorder, they invested the entirety of their political capital into the white supremacist snake oil. In fact, the largely uneducated, mostly white MAGA minions still believe Trump has the cure for what ails America. He even coined a catchphrase to market his narcotic.
He was going to “Make America Great Again.” (Spoiler alert: He didn’t.)
Fortunately, there are a few people whose entire cerebral cortex was not consumed by WHITEPOWER or Trump’s placebo. But what can someone with actual conservative values and a love for their country do if they truly want to make America great again?
A medicine for MAGA
Of course, some Americans don’t equate MAGA with white supremacy.
In truth, anyone who was really interested in making America great again could never vote for Donald Trump. Why would anyone who suffered from economic anxiety vote for the person with the greatest economic decline since the Great Depression? If you hate race-baiting and identity politics, how could you cast a ballot for a candidate who weaponized white supremacy and racial animosity? If you hate DEI or “diversity hires,” why would you vote for Donald Trump?
Despite what racist right-wingers like Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn.), Tucker Carlson and the crew at Fox News say about “diversity hires,” Trump is the one who got his job by using race as an advantage. Harris is more educated than Trump (or any Republican president since Gerald Ford). Aside from Biden and John McCain, no presidential nominee in the last 50 years has held elective office longer than Harris (20 years). Trump, on the other hand, got into college on a loophole. He got business loans he wasn’t qualified to receive. Not only is Harris more educated, experienced and qualified than her opponent, she has won the popular vote in every election in which she’s competed (Trump is 0 for two).
Donald Trump is the true DEI candidate.
If you think immigrants are ruining the country, you couldn’t possibly support a dimwit who believes a wall can prevent undocumented migrants from entering the country – especially after he personally sank a bipartisan bill to fix the border crisis. Then again, someone who was actually interested in “law and order” would probably back an actual prosecutor who protected whistleblowers and fought domestic terrorists instead of a twice-impeached convicted felon who was found liable for sexual abuse. A true “pro-lifer” would embrace someone who refused to use the death penalty and fought against maternal mortality over a candidate who tried to repeal affordable healthcare while pushing Project 2025’s plan to “pursue the death penalty…until Congress says otherwise.”
Apparently, not all lives matter.
Do violent insurrections make America great? How about disputing a free and fair election? Was America great when COVID-19 killed more Americans than WWII? Was the unprecedented spike in hate crimes during Trump’s tenure great? Or maybe, when Trump claims he wants to “make America great again”…
The “…for white people” is silent.
Side effects
Before you run to the polls, we are legally required to tell you about the downside to electing Kamala Harris. Side effects include:
- White backlash: The last time America elected a Black president, we got a white supremacist commander-in-chief. Electing a Black woman may inspire something even worse. Don’t blame me when President Marjorie Taylor Greene nominates Ron DeSantis to the Supreme Court.
- Dog whistles: If you are sensitive to high-pitched screeches of “diversity hires” or other variations of the n-word, you might want to deactivate your Twitter account until after the election.
- Disputed elections: There is no way to counter arguments that Kamala Harris won because ballot harvesters in Democratic cities let dead illegal immigrants come across the border on Election Day.
- Conspiracy theories: If you think critical race theory, the Great Replacement or QAnon was bad, wait until Tucker Carlson and Elon Musk explain how Black people are planning a…
- Race war: Don’t worry about this one. It’s not like white America hasn’t been fighting a race war since 1619.
The evidence is clear: Kamala Harris is actually MAGA. However, if you are still reluctant to vote for a candidate who would actually make America great, you could always vote for Trump. To be fair, another four years of Donald Trump might actually unite the country under one goal:
Make America again.
Michael Harriot is a writer, cultural critic and championship-level Spades player. His NY Times bestseller Black AF History: The Unwhitewashed Story of America is available in bookstores everywhere.
