My mom and I haven’t had the best relationship. In fact, we were not speaking at all when I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. A photo I emailed her of my ultrasound set us off on our healing journey, and our relationship has continued to improve over the past eight years. I recently joined her as a partner at her business—Mmmm, Yes!—a Black womanist home goods and apparel company.
I wrote another article about how my grandmother has influenced me in business and in my personal life. And I am outlining a playbook that lays out the unsolicited advice she has offered in abundance throughout the years. We are a family of big personalities. My mother’s impressive resume includes an artist in residency at the Tower of London and a spot on the spoken word stage at Lollapalooza 1994.
My mom has taught me the value of creative labor and that art and writing are valid career paths—especially if you are willing to learn the less exciting business side of marketing yourself as a creative.
I admire my mother deeply, but we have not always been cool. I won’t go into the finer details about why we couldn’t be in each other’s company for a while. Instead, I want to focus on how we healed and ultimately decided to join forces in business.
The first steps to healing
I wasn’t sure if my family would make it to the wedding when I married my late ex-husband. My mother and I had begun to reconnect after I abruptly moved from Orange County, California, to the exurbs of Chicago to follow my then boyfriend back to his hometown. I soon found out that I was pregnant.
My mother and I had not been in touch for a few months that time around, but I wanted to tell her what was going on. As previously mentioned, I sent her a brief email with a picture of the ultrasound. She emailed back quickly, and we began to speak more frequently.
She came to the wedding and took beautiful pictures. She helped me build my registry and choose a breast pump. And then when my daughter was born, she shared my registry with the same fervor that she throws into her fundraising. Between my mother-in-law’s church friends and my mom’s network, I don’t think we actually paid for a single baby item.
Growing trust
I would say that the first few years of being on good terms for quite possibly the first time since I was a teenager were somewhat delicate. There were still resentments on both sides, but what we did do was show up and be consistent with each other. As the years have gone by, there has been a lot of forgiveness.
My mom has shown up for me as an ally in situations that I would have never anticipated. When I was beginning to feel the necessity of my divorce, she was who I turned to. At that point she was navigating life with a newly discovered chronic illness, yet she offered what support she could.
I soon started writing and submitting essays and articles. Like I had done in high school, I asked my mom to read through my work and offer suggestions. Having a hands-on editor who explained the changes taught me the mechanics of turning a strength into a craft. The craft turned into a career, which led to our partnership.
The family business
A few months ago, I asked my mother if she would like some help with her marketing since she had become more interested in creating than selling. I had recently seen the work of another Black designer who had partnered with a major textile company, and I felt that her work could be brought to the same level. So I asked her for a meeting.
I was a little bit nervous on the call because I was afraid that my marketing ideas might be read as criticism, but to my surprise, my mom asked me if I wanted to partner with her. She said that she loves to create but dislikes the business end. So we decided to begin working together on relaunching her brand and taking it to the next level.
It’s been a few months since we decided to team up, and being in business together has given us the opportunity to improve our personal relationship. Although my mother and I have been on better terms for the last several years, we still weren’t close. Now, we have a weekly Google Meet, which is a welcome bonding opportunity and chance to catch up.
I am glad that we have been able to heal and evolve together, and I am grateful for the opportunity to help grow a brand that I believe in. I am awed by my mother’s work every day, and I’ve also learned that growth is possible if you are willing to nourish your relationships.
Photo by PeopleImages.com – Yuri A/Shutterstock.com
